If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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