No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
