I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
