NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
