You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
