Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
