Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
