Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
