actually, I'm a sock model
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
