dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
