please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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