You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will be naked everywhere
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
