I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
