I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
