There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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