my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
