She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
