That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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