He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
