are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
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