Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
