apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
