I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
