Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
