when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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