There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
