You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize