Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
