Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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