Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
