All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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