im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
