hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
