I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
