More tranny stories later!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
