I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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