is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
