I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
