I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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