Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
