what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
