I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
