i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
