im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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