woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
