I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
