He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
