Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
