I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
