I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
