I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
